The short and simple answer to your question is “yes.”  A non-Jewish person may gift a tallit to a Jewish friend.  However, I would recommend finding out if your friend already has a tallit, if she is accustomed to wearing one (not all women do) and what style, fabric, size, etc. she would like… a tallit is a very personal thing! 

 

And, yet, there is perhaps a larger question behind your question:  in what ways it is appropriate for Jews and non-Jews to support one another in their respective religious practices?  This is not as simple as it might seem.  The Jewish people has a long and complex history when it comes to interacting with the non-Jewish world.  Indeed, Jewish law (halachah) has a lot to say about how we regard other religions and how we are supposed to interact with people outside our faith.  I won’t review the history or sources here; but suffice it to say that relations between Jews and non-Jews have not always been positive and have evolved over the centuries in response to circumstances.  All that being said, I want to reflect briefly on the contemporary situation.

 

Jewish people living in modern democracies like the United States today enjoy unprecedented freedom and are integrated into every aspect and sector of society.  We are challenged to maintain our distinct religious culture while participating fully in the surrounding society.  Healthy relations with non-Jews is very important.  We are blessed to know our neighbors and befriend them.  Jews have gained a great deal from being part of the larger culture and I believe the world has also gained a lot from the contributions of Jews and Judaism.  Part of this friendship is sharing our culture and beliefs with others and learning about their faith as well.  The question for me as a Jew is “how can I share my faith and practices with my non-Jewish friends and learn about their faith and practices while maintaining my boundaries and integrity?”  So, my general rule is that I would not participate in the rituals of another religion in a way that violates or offends the beliefs of my religion; and I wouldn’t expect any different from my non-Jewish friends.  But, to the extent that I can with integrity learn about and honor other faiths, it is incumbent on me to do so.  There are ways we can support one another in our religious practice and other ways that we cannot – and as long as we can talk about it with honesty and respect, that’s ok.

Your enthusiasm and passion for Judaism is moving.  Judaism, as you are discovering, is a meaningful and wise tradition; I think I can speak for my colleagues across the denominations in saying that we welcome your interest. 

 

It is a longstanding Jewish tradition that in the synagogue there is a light above the ark that is kept on continuously.  This Ner Tamid (Eternal Light) reminds us of the menorah (candelabra) described in Exodus 27 but it also signifies that the synagogue is a place where, as they used to say in the Motel 6 commercials, “we’ll leave the light on for ya.’”  In other words, the synagogue is a place open to all whenever they need it. 

 

Most synagogue services are open to anyone who wishes to attend and we strive to be like our ancestor Abraham who welcomed every stranger who approached him.  I strongly suggest that you visit several synagogues of varying denominations in your area.  You don’t need permission, but it doesn’t hurt to call ahead to find out more about the synagogue and its services.  For security reasons, some synagogues are cautious about visitors.  If you let them know you are coming, they’ll be more likely to reach out to you.  Either way, you should definitely introduce yourself to the rabbi and anyone else who looks friendly. 

 

While it’s true that Reform synagogues tend to use more English in their services, virtually all synagogues will have prayer books with translation and some may even provide a transliterated prayer book (with the Hebrew written phonetically in English letters). 

 

The other recommendation I have is that you should find out more about classes that are available in your area.  Many communities offer an “Introduction to Judaism” course for those exploring Judaism for the first time.  There are also a number of wonderful books out there to get your started.  A local rabbi or Intro to Judaism class can point you in the right direction. 

 

Blessings on your journey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the Jewish point of view, money is morally neutral – neither inherently good or bad.  Like any other instrument, its morality is judged by how we use it.  The Torah asserts that God, as creator, is the ultimate owner of everything; yet, Jewish law allows for private property.  The Torah has a lot to say about how we use our property to care for ourselves and our community.  It also prohibits us from abusing our worldly power. 

 

According to Jewish law, we should use our property in the service of holiness.  In the Biblical passage we read along with the Sh’ma (Deut. 6:4-9) we are commanded to love God “with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”  Traditionally, “all your might” is understood as loving God with our worldly property (see Rashi ad loc).  The Mishna asks: “Who is wealthy? The one who is satisfied with his/her portion” (Avot 4:1).  From a Jewish perspective, there is nothing inherently wrong with accumulating wealth; but our wealth should be for the purpose of serving God and caring for his creatures, not for self-aggrandizement.  Our tradition also cautions against excessive wealth and wasting money that could be better spent to care for those in need. 

 

Our sages taught that one must earn a living in order to provide for his/her family.  The Talmud (Kiddushin 29a) states that parents must raise their children, teach them Torah, help them find a mate, teach them a trade, and also teach them how to swim!  In other words, each of us is responsible for giving our children what they need to be self-sufficient in this world.  The ideal of Torah is the dignity of work and self-sufficiency.

 

Our tradition also emphasizes repeatedly our responsibility to care for the poor and vulnerable in our society.  Tithing, gleaning, and compulsory donations to charity were early forms of welfare and taxation.  The Book of Deuteronomy (15:8) states that “you must open your hand to the poor person and lend him sufficient for whatever he needs.”  The rabbis interpreted from this that public charity must provide sufficient to uphold the basic dignity of every person. 

 

Every person – even a poor person – is obligated to give tzedakah.  The Torah’s concept of ma’aser requires us to give at least 10% of our net income to charity.  However, one must not give so much as to impoverish his or her family.  According to the Talmud (Ketubot 50a) a person should not give more than 20% or else risk becoming poor themselves. 

 

In sum, the Torah does not idealize self-inflicted poverty or asceticism. Instead, our tradition seeks balance: “Desirable is the study of Torah alongside earning a living (derech eretz)” (Pirkei Avot 2:2).    

Adultery is a very serious sin in the Jewish tradition; so much so that it makes it to the “Top Ten List” (see Ex. 20 and Dt. 5).  Traditionally, according to Jewish law (halachah) a married woman who commits adultery may not marry her lover even if she receives a writ of divorce (get) from her husband.  It should also be noted, that she is also forbidden to remain married to her husband.  The most succinct statement on this is found in the Mishna, Sotah 5:1 which states: “Just as the adulterous woman is forbidden to her lover, so is she forbidden to her husband.”  Nonetheless, to the best of my understanding, if the woman were to disregard the law and go ahead and marry her lover (or likewise remain married to her husband) the marriage would be valid ex post facto under the principle of “kiddushin tosfin” (a marriage that should not have taken place but is legally binding nonetheless). 

 

While traditionally, Judaism did not treat adultery the same way for men as for women, in our modern egalitarian society, we should apply the same principles regardless of the genders of the participants.  Also, in our day when many non-Orthodox communities accept some form of same-sex marriage, I would say we need to treat adultery just as seriously whether the couple is straight or gay. While much of our modern culture does not regard adultery as a grave sin, from the Jewish perspective it is a denial of the holiness of marriage. 

 

That being said, most rabbis today would explore the possibility of reconciliation even where adultery has taken place.  Marriage is complicated and every situation is unique, but if the goal of the halachah is to protect the sacredness of marriage, we should hold out the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation.  

To answer this question, we need to set aside the issue of intermarriage.  Since the bride is not marrying a Jew, from the perspective of the Conservative Movement this cannot properly be called a Jewish wedding; and, thus, a ketubah would not be required. 

 

In order to answer the question, let us assume that the bride and groom are both Jewish.  I appreciate why the bride might like to have her step-mother’s name on the ketubah.  It is important to understand that the ketubah is a legal document that, along with the wedding ceremony, binds the couple to one another under Jewish law.  It is, therefore, important that the bride and groom be correctly identified on the ketubah.  It is preferable for the bride and groom to use the Jewish name they were given at birth including their original parentage.  However, there is precedent in rabbinic literature for adopted children to use their adopted parent’s names, even on a ketubah.

 

The Babylonian Talmud (Megillah 13a) states, “If one raised an orphan, the tradition considers that person a parent.”  In the 16^th Century Code of Jewish Law known as the Shulchan Aruch, Moshe Isserles rules that an adopted child may use his adopted father’s name in contracts (Orach Hayyim, 42:15).  There are other references as well in rabbinic literature where adopted children use their adopted parent’s name, even on a ketubah (see for example Shemot Rabbah 46:5). 

 

All that being said, my preference as an officiating rabbi would be for the couple to use their original Hebrew names, so as to avoid any confusion in the future.  However, I think it would depend on the circumstances and the feelings of the couple.  You should consult with the rabbi officiating at your wedding before ordering a ketubah. 

 

The controversy over stem cell research is focused specifically on the use of stem cells taken from embryos.  In the first 4 – 5 days after fertilization, the early-stage embryo (or blastocyst) is comprised of about 150 cells, within which there is a region called the Inner Cell Mass containing the stem cells.  In the normal course of gestation, these cells will divide and split off from one another to become every cell in the human body, forming the various organs and tissues.  Because the early stem cells have the ability to become any one of the hundreds of different kinds of human cells, scientists are working on research using these cells with the aim of creating therapies to treat a variety of diseases.  For instance, it may be possible one day to produce cardiac tissue to repair a heart damaged in a heart attack, nerve tissue to repair spinal cord injuries and cell therapies to treat people suffering from Alzheimer’s or ALS. 

 

The controversy arises for some people because, in the course of harvesting these cells, the embryo is destroyed.  For Catholics and others who assert that human life begins at the moment sperm fertilizes an egg, stem cell harvesting is no different than killing a human being.  This concern, however, ignores the fact that in the normal course of human reproduction, approximately 80% of fertilized eggs fail to implant in the uterus wall and are expelled in the normal course of a woman’s menstrual cycle, often unbeknownst to her.  The embryos we are talking about here are not however taken from a woman’s womb. 

 

The first thing to understand from a Jewish medical ethics perspective is thatthe stem cells we are discussing here are taken from embryos that were created in the course of in vitro fertilization treatment for couples who have trouble conceiving.  Typically, a couple will have several embryos frozen because not all of them turn out to be viable for implantation.  After the couple has made use of the embryos they want in order to have children, typically the remaining embryos are discarded.  However, if a couple were to donate the embryos for medical research, the stem cells can be harvested. 

 

According to traditional Jewish law (halachah) the embryo in these early stages (in its first 40 days) is considered of a different status than even a fetus (see for instance BT Nidda 30a).  And while Judaism has a lot to say about abortion (which is permitted under certain circumstance), stem cell harvesting is not abortion because the embryos we are dealing with are frozen in a lab and will be discarded anyway. 

 

The paradigm in this debate for us as Jews should be the concept of pikuah nefesh – the value of saving a human life.  Whatever discomfort we might have with the idea of destroying embryos is far outweighed by the moral imperative to alleviate human suffering through the application of medical knowledge.  Stem cell research holds out great promise for curing or treating a host of diseases and for that reason is not only permitted, but an ethical imperative.